Go Deep: Loving the Enemy Within

By Dr. Alice Reid

Let’s talk about something real: the part of us that gets outraged, that rushes to judgment, that wants to blame someone—anyone—when something stirs us up.

I’ve been sitting with the idea that much of what triggers us “out there” is actually pointing to something unhealed “in here.” What if the enemy we’re so upset about isn’t external, but a reflection of something inside us that’s asking to be loved?

There’s this famous verse—Matthew 5:48—“Be perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect.” I’ve heard it many times. Ernest Holmes quoted it. The Nazarene, Jesus is given credit for saying it. And for years it was used (and misused) to push people into spiritual perfectionism. Try harder! Do better! Be good so you’ll be worthy of God’s love.

But here’s what Richard Rohr reminded me: that kind of “be perfect” is a distortion. The verse before Be perfect talks about loving our enemies.  The Nazarene wasn’t talking about being morally flawless. He was talking about something deeper. A divine perfection within us all, friends and enemies alike. A loving, whole, surrendered kind of perfection—not something you earn, but something you remember.

We don’t get there by performing. We get there by allowing and letting go.

This came into focus for me as I looked at some of the cultural outrage in the zeitgeist recently—things like the Epstein files or the Coldplay kiss cam scandal. And to be clear, I’m not excusing behavior that causes harm. But I am asking us to notice how quickly we rush to judgment, how easily we “other” people so we don’t have to look at ourselves.

Outrage often protects us from going deeper. From facing the part of ourselves we don’t want to feel—shame, fear, heartbreak.

But here’s the invitation: Go deeper anyway.

Alexis Pauline Gumbs, in her book Undrowned, shares a powerful story about how WWII sonar operators thought they had hit the ocean floor—but they were actually pinging off layers of life they didn’t recognize. The ocean was deeper than they thought. And so are you.

What if the “bottom” you fear isn’t where you break, but where you meet the fullness of your being?

Gumbs relates that sperm whales know something about this. They can dive to incredible depths—holding their breath for over an hour. They have a waxy substance in their foreheads that shifts under pressure and helps them go deep, and when they come up, one breath refreshes 90% of their oxygen.

There’s wisdom in that.

Breathe. When you feel triggered, pause. Come back to your breath.

Notice and adjust your thinking. Like the whale’s forehead, adjust your inner temperature.

Get quiet. Stillness creates the space for grace to come in.

Flex under Pressure. Let yourself be held by something greater than your fear. Let the weight soften you rather than break you, pressing you into something sacred—not something that shatters you.

I’ll be honest: I’m working on this, especially when it comes to love and relationships. And sometimes in the middle of processing, my mentor will stop and say gently, “Breathe.” when I don’t even realize I’m holding my breath.

So I’ll ask you what I’m asking myself:

Where are you still trying to be “perfect,” when what your soul really wants is to be loved?

Let’s go deep, not to judge or fix anything, but to be present with what’s below our fear and our outrage… allowing grace to find us.

Because it’s already here.

Waiting for you.
Waiting for me.