Further reflections on bringing the Camino home
I set out to walk 400 kilometers. I walked 120.
It’s so good to be home, and yet I miss the singular, focused days of walking the Camino de Santiago in Spain, meeting people from all over the world, and the genuine kindness of strangers and friends alike.
If you are unfamiliar with the Camino, it is a centuries-old pilgrimage with many origination points, all ending in Santiago de Compostela, Spain. As some of you know, I was traveling part of the traditional path, which is 800 kilometers (about 500 miles) long.
What I learned when I couldn’t walk any farther
After ten days of walking, I experienced an injury to my right leg. It wasn’t the Camino I planned, but it was the Camino I was on… and despite my plans and expectations, the Camino provided.
Early on, my pack felt far too heavy, and I began to notice the other burdens I carry. When I asked myself why, the answer surprised me. Somewhere deep inside, I believed I wouldn’t be taken care of. So I decided I had to take care of everything.
If it was to be, it would have to be up to me.
Maybe you know that one too.
When the body decides
I couldn’t put that burden down on my own, so my body did it for me. A fall turned into a limp that rest and medicine didn’t help. On October 1st, through tears, I admitted it might be time to stop. And I did something I hadn’t done the whole trip.
I surrendered and began asking for help.
Oh boy, did help start pouring in. A fellow pilgrim carried my pack and rode the bus with me to a town with a hospital. A barista called a taxi. A patient driver also carried my pack and waited while I checked in to my room before taking me to the hospital. An English-speaking pharmacist (they were rare) who had walked the Camino herself appeared at 11:11 and spent an hour with me sharing her wisdom. An 81-year-old stranger stopped me on the street to ask if I needed help, and we shared dinner and stories.
Indeed, I was cared for by the Camino in so many ways.
The Door of Forgiveness
At the advice of the generous pharmacist, I began traveling by train, bus, and taxi, since I could not walk long distances anymore. I decided to rest in the village of Villafranca del Bierzo for four nights in an apartment. I was able to cook and rest on a couch during the day. Little did I know, when I booked my apartment, that 250 meters down the road stood a 12th-century church whose north door had long ago been designated the Puerta del Perdón, the Door of Forgiveness. For centuries, pilgrims too sick or injured to go on could pass through it and receive the same grace as if they had reached Santiago. Their journey was complete right there.
That’s where I laid down my burden, the belief beneath it all: that “I have to earn Love.”
Grace didn’t wait for me to finish. It met me where I was.
“I carried you”
When I reached Santiago, I went to the pilgrims’ mass and quietly wept, because I hadn’t walked in as I’d hoped. Afterward, I leaned my head on an ancient stone pillar and asked forgiveness for not being able to walk. Instantly I felt a gentle response:
I carried you.
I have come to understand that no matter what happens to us in life, we are carried by Spirit to our ultimate destination, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Our part is to surrender our willfulness, turn inward, listen for the still small voice of Spirit, and allow ourselves to be supported.
There’s an old saying, “We plan and God laughs.” I actually think what happens is we plan and God waits… waits for us to let go, to trust that something greater than our good ideas is transpiring. Of course, it can be hard to get to that point. We are conditioned to try harder; remember the old saying, “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.” Yup, we are hardwired to manage conditions and control situations, fighting for what we want. Yet when we are centered and living consciously, we can allow ourselves to be supported sooner.
One way to center yourself is through gratitude. Every thank-you is evidence that we’re being carried, and it loosens the grip of “it’s all up to me.”
Consider this reflection at the end of your day:
How was I carried today?
See if you can name a person, an unexpected resource, or just a moment of grace that you noticed during the day.
In the end, what I carried home: even when events aren’t what we anticipate, we are always carried. Ultreia — onward and upward!
