Our Great Expectations

By Rev. Dr. Heather Clark

Many of you know me as an independent woman — and I happily claim that title. I like being self-sufficient. In fact, within the first few weeks of moving to Southern California years ago, I bought a car. Driving has always felt natural and comfortable to me.

But here in France? I haven’t been driving at all.

We’ve been in France for over four months. Although we talked about getting a car, we never quite figured out how to buy or lease one. So we’ve relied on public transportation. We take buses and trains regularly and occasionally call an Uber.

While I’ve learned a tiny bit of French, I’ve depended heavily on my sister, who is bilingual. I am deeply grateful for her ability to ask questions, get directions, and navigate the systems here with ease.

One day, as we were traveling locally, she politely asked a bus driver if the bus went to a certain area. His response completely surprised us.

“You expect me to know that!”

Cheryl and I looked at each other in disbelief. We both assumed that most bus drivers would know the areas on their routes! We ended up laughing about it later. (And to be fair, this was the only truly rude response we received from a driver.)

But it turned out to be a powerful learning moment.

We can’t expect anything from acquaintances, friends, or even family members. The only person I can truly expect anything from is myself — and even then, I need to be gentle with my own expectations.

That’s the spiritual lesson in this little story.

You might expect yourself to always be kind. And yes, sometimes you are. But sometimes you aren’t. You are a spiritual being having a human experience. Sometimes we forget who we are. I know I have, more than once.

The key is to be as kind to yourself as you would be to a stranger on the street — or even to a bus driver.

After all, we are all doing the best we can in the moment we are living.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could look at everyone in our lives and truly believe that they are doing the best they can? That bus driver might have been having a terrible day. Perhaps someone had just been rude to him. Maybe he had answered the same question twenty times already. Maybe he misunderstood what Cheryl asked.

And on the other hand, I have asked foolish questions. I have answered questions that weren’t even asked. I try to be polite — but sometimes even politeness is misunderstood. Perhaps manners aren’t always the most important thing. Perhaps authenticity matters more.

Are you being true to yourself?
Are you authentic?
Have you chosen not to take things personally?

And yet, there are moments when speaking up matters deeply. Telling the truth matters. Using your voice matters.

But I am a visitor here in France. I want to be a good neighbor. My intention is to treat everyone — including myself — with kindness and respect.

Sometimes I succeed. Sometimes I don’t.

But I keep trying.

Blessings to everyone.