Last week I lost my footing in step aerobics and tumbled off my step, rearranging my thumb and tibia from their normal locations. I was embarrassed but my stepper friends assured me that I had fallen gracefully. Yesterday, to stay on the same theme, I walked smack into a closed glass door. I perceived an open door but it was, in fact, closed. I cut my left eyelid on the eyebrow. I was surprised by the impact and by the blood that was running down my face and into my eye. The cut hurt a little but not nearly as much as my loss of dignity. A couple of people told me I would have a black eye from it. I seem to be beating myself up.
Consciousness is everything.
Many questions went through my mind.
What happened and what can I do about it? What was I thinking?
Had I been fully present in either case, I probably wouldn’t have injured myself.
Did I really have to injure myself to get my attention? Is there something that is bothering me? Am I feeling guilty?
Guilt always seeks punishment.
Recently, I had a big disappointment. A practitioner client I have been working with told me that she no longer believed in the Science of Mind. She now found the words I use in prayer meaningless. On looking back on that conversation, I see that she was having a crisis of faith, which precipitated my own self doubt.
Finally, I had the sense to ask for help and request a practitioner session with Rev. Pattie, who reminded me that we are about to embark on our commitment program of “Courageous and Confident Connections.” She suggested that I’m called to do inner work, looking deeply at my life and using the spiritual practices of journaling and affirmative prayer to embrace myself more fully.
I know that the Spirit within me is innocent and has always been innocent. The I am that I am has never been guilty because it is pure spirit.
“Ye shall know the Truth, and the Truth shall set you free.”